“This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new
program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgin.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or some such
thing, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your
stimulus cheque wisely:

If you spend that money at Kmart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India .
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .
And none of it will help the Australian economy.

We need to keep that money here in Australia. You can keep the money in Australia by spending
it at garage sales, going to a cricket match or footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer
and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses that may still be
owned by Aussies.

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Unfortunately I have been watching CSI: Miami in recent weeks. Every time it gets worse. It is basically a (c)rap music video staring some white dude doing the hokey pokey with his sunglasses. He takes the glasses off, he puts the glasses on, he takes the glasses off and he looks into the distance. And can someone explain to me why in every murder there must be female strippers, female hookers, more than 4 scenes in a strip club and some graphic girl on girl action? t makes me think television is slipping. I would welcome back Spellbinder in a heartbeat. If you don't remember / never watched Spellbinder, it was one of those bizarre nearly science fiction shows with a portal between two worlds. It was probably one of the worst shows at the time, but it was just so funny. To 'shoot' 'magic fire balls' they would use martial arts moves and slide their arms around. Watch some here. Other TOTALLY EXCELLENT shows include Jeopardy, where a group of Irish campers get abducted by aliens in the Australian outback with a bunch of video campers to document the experience. Also Maddigan's Quest was a fantasy-based television series set in a post-apocalyptic future full of children with New Zealand accents who are afraid of machines in the 'forbidden zone', also known as the forest.

And on the subject of television, I caught some of Dr Phil (aka SATAN) who had some suggestions for what to say to children, such as "I don't care". I don't care if there were words following that sentence or if he followed that up by spending millions of dollars on hookers, people rarely remember more than the first three words.

Something is wrong...
Something is horribly wrong....

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I stole this from Della who stole it from Linley. So not too original, but hey, at least I posted something. =P

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Mamma Mia (Mamma Mia Soundtrack)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Forever Young (Youth Group)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Caring Hands (Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Pleasure and Pain (Divinyls)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
You're the Voice (John Farnham, Olivia Newton-John & Anthony Warlow)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Walk through the fire (BtVS Once More With Feeling)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Have you ever seen the rain? (Smokie)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Morning Train 9 to 5 (Sheena Easton)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The things you do (5ive)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Bad Horse Chorus (Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Where is the Love? (Black Eyed Peas)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Perfect (PJ & Duncan)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Alice, Who the fuck is Alice? (Smokie)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Too lost in you (Sugarbabes)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Gonna B Alright (PJ & Duncan)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Horrible Theme (Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Sweet Home Alabama (Lynrd Skynd)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
God, That's Good! (Sweeny Todd Soundtrack)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Story of a Girl (Bowling for Soup)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Read 'Em and Weep (Meatloaf)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
God Bless the American Housewife (SheDaisy)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Ephipany (Sweeny Todd Soundtrack)

@Vista: you can suck the hairy goat testicalss in the jar behind the fridge in the basement.


@The neighbours: not everyone shares your shite taste in music. Join vista with the jar of testicals.

edit:

@Adobe: Join the line for goat testicals.